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This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {